A tale of brains, traits, and lizard drama.
Let’s talk emotional safety. While diving into murky psychological waters, I came across some fascinating stuff. Hear me out.
Our survival instincts live in the amygdala—aka the reptilian brain, aka the drama queen of your nervous system. This part of the brain has one job: 𝘒𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦. Before you can say, "Is that a threat?" your amygdala has already sized it up and hit the panic button if it thinks you’re in danger.
Now here’s the trick: the amygdala doesn’t care if the threat is physical (𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶) or emotional (𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 "𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵"). Danger is danger. So if it feels unsafe, its sole mission is to scream, "ABORT MISSION!" and shove you back into the cozy softness of safety.
Alright, now let’s crack some terms. The Big Five personality traits:
1. Openness – You’re the “I have a brilliant idea!” type.
2. Conscientiousness – Schedules are life. Chaos is death.
3. Extraversion – Chatting up strangers? Easy peasy.
4. Agreeableness – Empathy is your everything.
5. Neuroticism – What if the worst happens?
Now, before I go any further, here is a little disclaimer: all of this is based on my take from stuff I read, but it’s not a hard-and-fast scientific truth (at least not all of it). Take it as food for thought (or maybe just a distraction).
Some experts argue these traits are pretty fixed. Others say they shift with age and life’s earthquakes. I think you can tweak things, sure, but don’t expect a total personality U-turn. (I have my personal experience to back up my thinking).
Now, back to the reptilian brain. Let’s imagine Mike. Mike is shy, loves order, and worries—a lot. Mike gets hit with an unexpected: his son has an accident, and now Mike’s world is chaos. His schedules? Gone. His worries? Skyrocketing. Meanwhile, his amygdala is on high alert, sounding alarms like a crazy driver.
Or let’s say Mike decides to “level up” at work. He’s tasked with organizing and moderating big conferences. His introversion? Screaming. His need for order? Out the window. His worries? Through the roof. Result? Mike’s lizard brain spends most of its time in freak-out mode.
Here’s the thing: we’re often told to push out of our comfort zones. Be bold! Be brave! Achieve greatness! And yeah, that’s fine… in theory. But if your amygdala is constantly panicking, how much energy do you really have left to 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 achieve anything?
Moral of the story? Before you start leaping into discomfort for self-growth or career glory, make sure your inner lizard feels safe. Because let’s face it: it doesn’t care about certificates of bravery or glowing LinkedIn recommendations. It just wants to know you’re 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘦.
So, be bold—but also be smart. Protect your emotional safety first, and then expand that zone. Trust me, your lizard brain will thank you.
A curated book collection for Growth, Healing and Change
| Colin Tipping. Radical Forgiveness | "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience." |
| Adam Alter. Anatomy of a Breakthrough | If (or rather when) you feel stuck, please read this book. Adam provides evidence proving that it's a natural process and gives practical advice to help. |
| Michael White. Maps of Narrative Practice |
If you'd like to have a comprehensive but simple understanding about what the narrative therapy is - read this book. |
| Stephen R. Covey. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People |
Stephen is going to tell you all he knows about the 7 basic habibs of effective people. I'd rather say these are the habits of people who are not only effective but also know what their true selves are. |
| Edith Eva Eger. The Choice |
I'd recommend this book to anyone who admires people who went through hell and not only survived but also transformed to help others find their way. |
| Pete Walker. Complex PTSD | The subtitle says that it is a guide for recovering from childhood trauma. And it is exactly what it says. |
| Arnold Mindell. The Shaman's Body |
I found this book a bit too difficult to comprehend, but it was a useful source of food for thought for me. |
| David A. Treleaven. Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness: Practices for Safe and Transformative Healing |
This book contains a lot of useful information about the healing of trauma and mindfulness as an approach to healing. |
| Peter A. Levine, Ann Frederick. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma |
The book introduced me to the polyvagal theory and somatic experiencing. Highly recommended to those who feel that using the body in healing is very important. |
| Steven Hayes. A Liberated Mind |
This book introduced me to the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT) as well as two major concepts: psychological flexibility and self that I consider to be crucial in understanding what matters and how to get there. |
| Richard Schwartz. No Bad Parts | The main source of information on Internal Family Systems - an approach that is considered to be highly effective in trauma healing, that is if you are interested in finding more than one inner child in yourself and welcoming them. |
| Pat Ogden, Janina Fisher. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma and Attachment |
This book is about somatic psychotherapy, i.e. body-oriented therapy techniques that are effective for trauma. I found it quite technical and practical. |
| Bessel van der Kolk. The Body Keeps the Score |
And finally, the book that put everything together for me: liberated mind, remembering body and trauma. |
| Richard Schwartz, Ph.D. The Internal Family Systems Workbook |
This book contains practical worksheets if you'd like to practice IFS (Internal Family Systems) on your own. |
| Deb Dana. The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation |
I think this book is mainly for qualified therapists, however, I found it very useful in understanding how to integrate the polyvagal theory in practice. |
| Stanley Rosenberg. Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve Self-Help Exercises for Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, and Autism |
This is an extremely useful book by a body therapist that contains practical exercises to assess the state of and regulate the vagus nerve. |
| Janina Fisher. Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors |
Since I have already studied the subject for quite some time, it wasn't a book of discovery for me. However, the author, being one of the main experts in the field, presented an excellent overview of both the condition and interventions that are effective. |
| Kathy L. Kain, Stephen J. Terrell. Nurturing Resilience. Helping Clients Move Forward from Developmental Trauma--An Integrative Somatic Approach |
I read this book after watching an online interview with Kathy. Her deep experience as a somatic practitioner and her focus on developmental trauma were especially valuable to me. |
| Stephanie Foo. What My Bones Know. A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma |
This book offers a vivid and personal account of a childhood trauma survivor. It shares her journey of realizing what she had experienced and how she navigated recovery. It will be especially valuable for those going through a similar process. What makes it even more relevant is that her experience is recent, allowing readers to connect with it on a current and relatable level. |
| Mastin Kipp. Reclaim Your Nervous System. A Guide to Positive Change, Mental Wellness, and Post-Traumatic Growth | While this book isn’t at the top of my list in terms of value for my learning journey, I appreciate Mastin for two things. First, for having the courage to share his perspective despite not being a 'qualified' doctor or therapist. Second, for his approach to trauma recovery—working across past, present, and future—which I completely agree with. |
| Richard Strozzi-Heckler. The Art of Somatic Coaching. Embodying Skillful Action, Wisdom, and Compassion | This was one of the most challenging books I’ve read so far. The language was complex, making it difficult to grasp the author’s messages. Still, I pushed through, found many of the examples valuable, and finished with one key takeaway—somatic work is incredibly useful in trauma healing. |
| Judith L. Herman. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence -- From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror |
This is quite an old book, and some of its examples and descriptions of modern challenges feel a bit outdated. Still, it was important for me to read it. First, it offers an excellent overview of the 'history' of trauma and the approaches used to treat it. Second, it presents a primarily cognitive perspective on trauma treatment, which adds valuable insight to my knowledge base. |